im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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