fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
