Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize