somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
