i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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