Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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