can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
