I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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