I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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