I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
