when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
