How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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