My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
