Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
