yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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