I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
