just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize