Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
