woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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