i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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