She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
