for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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