Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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