It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
