Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
