At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
