you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
