I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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