I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
