Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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