Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just high enough for therapy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
