Don't make out with my wife yet
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My life is pants optional.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
