At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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