dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize