I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
