Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
