Plan B is the new Plan A
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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