Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize