I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
