I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had sex bonerless
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
