my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
