foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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