Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.