I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.