Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS