god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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