i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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