i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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