U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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