He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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