does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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