Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
