I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
