I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
