You smell like a Billy Joel song
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
