We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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