Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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