I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
