dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
