Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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