where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
