Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
