yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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