we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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