he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
third nipple confirmed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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